Squall's Cat
by DABESTWRITEREVA
Summary: The most awesomely heart felt stories of final fantasy ever written. I love Yaoi.
1. Chapter 1

**_ooo000oo_**

 ** _FF VIII – Chapter 1: Squall's Cat_**

 ** _ooo000oo_**

It was a calm and sunny day in the city that Final Fantasy VII takes place in, and Squall was sitting on the couch watching the sports game. Beside him, was his loyal cat Purina, who was named after his favorite cat food. Purina didn't care much for the sports game that Squall was watching, because he's a cat, yet could tolerate it because he was able to spend time with his favorite human… Also because he rolled around in his favorite catnip for an hour earlier.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a knock on the door appeared, and a sudden sense of dread came over Purina.

"It's probably Rhinoa," Purina thought to himself in a kittenish meow. "I don't like that woman. She tries to steal my human from me."

"Come in," Squall said to the door, as Purina stood up, ready to hiss at Rhinoa.

Suddenly, Rhinoa entered the room, and Purina hissed. He knew it was her, he could tell because she had super black hair, instead of grey hair like everyone else, because cat's are probably colorblind.

"Are you busy?" Rhinoa was cautious in entering Squall's house, because she remembered that the last time she came in unannounced, Purina clawed her leg, leaving a scratch mark.

"Nah, just watching this sports game," said Squall casually, not even looking at her as he focused on the sports game.

"Good," said Rhinoa.

It was at this point in the conversation that Purina had heard enough. They were already talking about too much human stuff, and he had important cat business to attend to. So Purina jumped off the couch, and walked past Rhinoa without scratching her this time, because he didn't want to get sprayed with a water bottle, because cats don't like water.

"How's the game," Rhinoa asked.

"Good. The team I like is winning," replied Squall

"That's good," said Rhinoa.

"I think we need to talk about something," Rhinoa said

"You're wanting to break up with me," Squall replied after a long delay.

"No, it's just…" Rhinoa tried to finish her sentence, but was cut off abruptly by Squall, who was clearly more interested in his sports game.

"That's fine, I was thinking we could use a break," Squall said as Rhinoa sat silently in a state of surprise at the words she was hearing. "After saving the world and stuff with each other," Squall continued, "We could probably use a break. Besides, I was thinking about asking my hot teacher out."

"Teacher?" Rhinoa was sad about hearing that Squall thought his teacher was hotter than her.

"Yeah, the one with the glasses and ponytail," Squall said referring to Quintis.

Meanwhile, Purina was sitting in the other room, quite happy hearing that Squall was finally over Rhinoa, which meant Purina could have his human all to himself… At least, whenever Purina wanted, cause cats aren't really people animals all the time. So Purina walked back over to see Squall and Rhinoa break up, hoping that Squall would be sad and would rub his belly. So Purina jumped up on to the couch, and climbing onto Rhinoa's lap, only to get a closer look at her sad face.

"Fine," Rhinoa said, standing up, and knocking Purina to the couch cushion beside her. "You just break girls' hearts, don't you? With your long hair, and your boyishly good looks! I'll just go out with Cypher, at least he knows how to treat me like a lady!"

Rhinoa stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her, leaving Squall to hardly notice that she left. Purina was pleased.

The next day, Squall woke up in a great mood, his favorite sport team won the game, and he could finally ask out his hot teacher who also helped him save the world. He didn't care about Rhinoa asking out Cypher either, because Cypher was probably gay anyway.

So Squall decided to go to school today and try and have his teacher go out with him. So Squall grabbed Purina, because girls love cats apparently, and ran to his garage where he parked his Chocobo.

Suddenly, Squall shoots out of the garage on his Chocobo, and flew into the air. Squall was happy that he installed rockets to his Chocobo after he saved the world, so he could actually fly to places instead of taking the train, like in the game of Final Fantasy VIII.

When Squall arrived at the school on his flying Chocobo, he entered Quintis's classroom, holding his pet cat in his one hand. He felt nervous, and had butterflies in his stomach, hoping she would say yes to him, and that his cat might help convince her that he has a soft and sensitive side, which is usually implied in men with long hair. But his heart sank, and she walked in, seeing Quintis talking with that kid from Kingdom Hearts. That sadness began to turn to anger when she saw Quintis flirting back with that kid.

"What are you doing here, kid," screamed Squall?

"I was going to ask Ms. Quintis to be my girlfriend," replied that kid from Kingdom Hearts, sharply.

"No, she's going to be **_my_** girlfriend," Squall exclaimed as he pulled out his sword gun thing.

However, that kid from Kingdom Hearts wasn't intimidated by Squall's sword gun thing, and pulled out his giant key.

"You'll have to defeat me first," replied the kid from Kingdom Hearts.

Suddenly the two of them started to fight and stuff, but Squall was using a gun with a sword, while that kid from Kingdom Hearts only had a stupid key. After a brief battle, Squall just shot the sword from his gun into the kid from Kingdom Heart's face, and able to be Quintis's boyfriend.

"Never bring a key to a Sword Gun fight," Squall said as she brushed his hair out of his eyes. Squall felt pretty proud of himself, for getting a girlfriend and defeating the kid from Kingdom Hearts, when suddenly, Squall felt sad. He realized that he had killed the kid from Kingdom Hearts, who was probably twelve or something, and was afraid that that the Final Fantasy VIII police would come after him.

So Squall picked up Quintis, and they got onto the Chocobo, and flew off into the sunset. However, Squall had left Purina behind at the school, leaving his poor cat to take the blame for the death of the kid from Kingdom Hearts…

To Be Continued…


	2. Chapter 2: Frisky Friday

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

Squall's Cat II: Frisky Friday

It was the day before the equivalent of what Halloween would be in the land of Final Fantasy VIII, and Squall was sitting on the couch with his cat Purina. However, after Squall left Purina to take the wrap for killing the kid from Kingdom Hearts, a small schism had been placed on Squall and his relationship. Purina was only happy that the court let him off with a short sentence, because a new Kingdom Hearts game hadn't been made in like ten years or something.

But how could Purina stay mad at his human? After all, Squall was Purina's human, and Purina knew that Squall loved him, because he always fed him at the same time each night, and occasionally gave him things to bat around in the shape of mice. It was nice.

Suddenly as Purina was just about to fall asleep on the couch, Squall jumped up in complete surprise!

"I forgot tomorrow is the equivalent to Halloween in the world in which I live in," Squall exclaimed. "I also forgot that there is a kid who live on my street who has a peanut allergy, and he'll be sad if they don't get some allergy free candy! All I have is regular candy," he continued. However, Purina didn't care, cause Purina didn't know what candy was... Cause he's a cat.

So Squall grabbed Purina up off the couch, and together the two of them went to their garage to their new sports Chocobo, which is like a Ferrari, but it's not, because it's actually a bird.

Squall decided that he needed to drive to the nearest candy store, but realized that most of the allergy free candy would be sold out, because he waited too long. So instead, he grabbed the regular candy that he left in the trunk of his Sports Chocobo, hoping that it wouldn't be all melted. Instead of going to the candy store, Squall took Purina and the candy to the one place he knew he could make it allergy free! He took them to a wizard.

Once at the door at the wizard store, Squall knocked, and the wizard answered. Unfortunately for Squall, it was his ex girlfriend, and Purina's mortal nemesis... Rhinoa. Squall hadn't spoken much to her since he left her for his hot teacher Quntits, and suddenly felt silly for having driven to the wizard store only to run into her, of all people.

"Hey," Squall said uncomfortably.

"What do you want," Rhinoa said surprised to see him.

"I need you to use your magic wizard power to turn my regular candy into a hypoallergenic candy for the kid on my block that can't eat regular candy that isn't hypoallergenic."

"Ok, but you can't bring your cat into the room with the magic candy," Rhino said trying to force Squall to put down Purina. Purina didn't like that one bit. He still never forgave Rhinoa for what happened to him. Even though Squall killed that kid from Kingdom Hearts, Purina still blamed Rhinoa, because cats sometimes hold grudges that don't make sense.

"I have to bring Purina with me," Squall said. "He's my service cat that I got after I got diagnosed with PTSD from saving the world, which is why I need him with me."

"Ok," Rhinoa said as she let the two of them in.

Inside, Rhinoa told Squall to put the candy on the table so that they can turn the regular candy into hypoallergenic candy, so everyone on the block could enjoy the festivities, and candy.

"I'm a little rusty at candy magic, so you'll have to excuse me," Rhinoa said.

"It's ok, as long as we don't kill my neighbor's kid, we should be ok," Squall said.

So Rhinoa grabbed her magic wizard stuff and began to prepare to cast a spell. With a sense of uncertainty, she began to proceed.

"Hocus Pocus Magic McCatus" Rhinoa said waving her wizardy wand around doing magic stuff. However, something went wrong. Instead of turning the candy into hypoallergenic candy, she switched both Purina and Squall's consciousness. Oh noes!

Rhinoa stared at Squall unaware of what she had done. She thought she did the magic thing well, and that the candy was now good to eat by everybody.

"There, is there anything else," Rhinoa asked.

"Meow," said Squall.

"Very funny, but can I do anything else for you?"

"Meow," said Squall again.

It was at that moment that Squall dropped down to the floor and attempted to clean his legs with his tongue and... "Oh No," Purina thought. "I'm a disgusting human now!" So Purina turned to look at his cat body where he saw his former body staring all confused.

However, Kitty Squall didn't see this as a bad thing. In fact Kitty Squall saw this as an opportunity to get closer to his ex girlfriend, who he totally still had feelings and stuff for. So Kitty Squall brushed up against Rhinoa, because it's not harassment if you're a cat. This, of course, appalled Purina as his physical body was being forced to touch the one person he hated more anything. So Purina ran up to himself and kicked himself away from Rhinoa, whilst screaming "MEOW!"

Finally realizing her mistake, Rhinoa picked up Kitty Squall, and held him in her hands and began to pet him. Squall liked this, and Purina was filled with rage. However, before Purina could retaliate, she began to cast the spell to reverse the effects of the original spell.

Thus both Squall and Purina were back in their own bodies. Rhinoa apologized to Squall for her terrible wizardry, and the two hugged each other. Purina was upset that his body now smelled like Rhinoa, and it was terrible. So Squall picked up both the candy and Purina and went back home to celebrate the festivities.

Later that evening, after all the kids came by and go their candy, Squall remembered that he had forgotten to actually have the spell cast on the candy, and that his neighbor actually ate the candy. Squall's heart sank as he realized that he probably killed the second kid in a certain amount of weeks, and he fled, leaving Purina back at home.

It wasn't until an hour later that the police arrived at Squall's house and arrested Purina for accidentally killing that poor child who ate that candy made from peanut byproducts. This was the second time that Squall had left poor Purina to take the fall for the murder of a child, and Purina vowed it would also be his last...


	3. Chapter 3: Trigger Happy

Final Fantasy VIII: Trigger Happy

It was a sunny, yet somber day in September, and Squall was feeling at his lowest on this particular day. It was the very day that, while several years ago, Squall's first and most beloved kitten, mittens, had perished in a mining accident. While Squall loved his current and also incarcerated cat, Purina, Squall always held his first kitten up to an impossibly high standard.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Squall turned over to face the door.

"Who could that be," Squall muttered to himself, as he doesn't have X-Ray vision, and was clearly oblivious who could be on the other side of that door.

"Squall, open up, it's me," yelled a female voice from the other end. Though, Squall wasn't psychic and couldn't figure out who "It's me" could possibly be, he contemplated the fact that, perhaps he misheard the name and realized that it could be that fat chick from named Mei from school. However, unfortunately for Squall, the word "fat" echoed throughout his mind, triggering the all too present feeling of his own body images after suffering a catastrophic scar from the blade of Cipher.

"Be more specific," Squall yelled at the door.

"It's me, Rhinoa. Please open the door."

Squall recognized that name, as they have had an on-and-off relationship for some time. Also they helped save the world and stuff from some crazy sorceress named "Ultimate-Encyclopedia" or something. Unfortunately, due to the events of his battle with the lady-wizard, his mind suffered from severe amnesia, leaving the only memories of the cold dark existence that he has come to know as life.

Opening the door, Squall could see the smiling face of Rhinoa staring back at her, obviously pleased with herself.

"Please stop smiling today. You know that happiness is a trigger for me today. Ever since I lost my three-day old kitten named Mittens in that awful accident."

Rhinoa suddenly stopped, feeling abashedly ashamed that her absolute lack of sensitivity for Squall's feelings weren't at the forefront of her mind.

"I apologize," she apologized.

"I accept your apology," Squall said accepting her apology. "So what brings you to my house on this somber September day?"

"I wanted to surprise you, today," Rhinoa said.

"You know I don't like surprises. It's a trigger, Rhinoa," Squall said hanging his head low, feeling the blackness of his existence being pulled towards the ever-meaningless pits of despair. "Ever since I learned that Darth Vader was Luke Skywalkers father, I couldn't handle the fact that Laguna could never come out and tell me I'm his son!"

"He also didn't cut off your hand either," Rhinoa said snidely.

"TRIGGER," Squall said pointing to the giant gash across his face.

"Ok, I'm sorry, but I thought perhaps it would be a good idea if the two of us would get out of the house and do something. Help get your mind off of the day," Rhinoa said holding up a pair of theatre tickets.

"Annie? You want me to go see the play Annie? You know that play is a trigger for me. I was an orphan Rhinoa," Squall said lamenting the fact that he was a loveless orphan named Annie.

"Yeah, I know you were an orphan, but I always thought that both of you ended up happily ever after," Rhinoa said losing her smile.

"I wouldn't know. A rich white guy never adopted me and gave me love. Instead, I was destined to live my days out as some sort of military grunt," Squall said raising his voice.

"Ok," Rhinoa said relenting on the idea of a play. "I'm sorry, I should have realized that was going to be a trigger for you."

Squall sat on the couch, his mind drifting while Rhinoa started to shift through her purse.

"Perhaps if we aren't going to go out, maybe we could stay in?" Rhinoa pulled out the newest season of Doctor Who, her favorite show.

"And do what," Squall asked without even bothering to look to see what Rhinoa was saying.

"Well, the new season of Doctor Who is out, a time-traveling doctor trying to save the world—"

"Time Travel, Rhinoa? You know Time travel is a huge trigger for me, after we fought the evil space lady wizard, Ultimate Encyclopedia. Of all people who I thought would understand that trigger, Rhinoa, it should have been you." Squall whipped his long hair to the side in an act of defiance.

"Well, if you can overlook that aspect of the show, it's got this really cool spacecraft shaped like a police call box named TARDIS," Rhinoa said with an ounce of hope that Squall would reconsider.

"Wow," Squall said sarcastically. "You just don't know when to stop being so offensive, do you? You know I find that word and any other word relating to "Retarded" as a trigger. You know we have a retarded friend, Zell."

"I don't think Zell is retarded," Rhinoa said.

"Again with that word, Rhinoa?" Squall was obviously displeased.

"But you just said…"

"It's a trigger," Squall said cutting her off.

"Ok," Rhinoa said stuttering for a moment, trying to think of what else the two of them could do. "Maybe we could play some video games?"

"Video games," Squall said perking up.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Rhinoa nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I was thinking about Minecraft," Rhinoa said hopeful that there would be nothing offensive about a child's game.

"First off Rhinoa, that's just the biggest middle finger you could give to me on this day. Not only is the term video game a trigger, as I am having an existential crisis knowing that my very own existence likely comprise of a series of binary codes in some sort of large matrix like computer program. But Minecraft? Minecraft? My cat died in a **_mine_** , Rhinoa, while **_crafting_** me a Valentine's Day Card! That's like two triggers in one," Squall screamed at her.

"But it was September," Rhinoa said while complexed.

"HE WAS PLANNING AHEAD!"

"I can't see why Quintis ever chose to stay with you," Rhinoa snapped.

"Are you trying to put me into a trigger overload, you know she left me. That was a low blow," Squall said solemnly.

"I'm about two seconds away from killing you," Rhiona said out of frustration.

"MY MOTHER DIED IN CHILDBIRTH! THAT'S A TRIGGER!"

Rhinoa suddenly stormed off, leaving Squall to sit there and sulk, as she was so tired of having to try an appease every sort of trigger that anyone might have. All her goodwill had suddenly vanished, despite her efforts, the individual was clearly a narcissistic jerk who only cared about their own self-serving agenda without taking into account that, despite none of the fact that none of these words acted as triggers to her, she was expected to walk on eggshells and attempt to appease every single whim of any individual. She was done, and she stopped caring.

Meanwhile, Purina the cat strolled in the room, smiling at the fact that his least favorite human was leaving the apartment, and doing so in a fashion where she was visibly upset. Purina hated her. She hoped that she would get hit by a bus on the way home, but Rhinoa could somehow feel the radiation of those vibes as she stopped and glared at the cat.

"Why do you hate me so," Rhinoa demanded. "You know that wishing me death is a trigger. Every time you wish to cause harm to me, it is just another excuse to justify violence against women." Rhinoa said what she has been wanting to say to that cat for a long time before storming off.

But Purina didn't care, because he was a cat and didn't understand. He was also having too good of a day. Purina finally posted bail and got out of jail until his pending court case was to be brought before a jury. Nothing could ruin this day…

"What are you doing here, Purina" Squall said as if he was about to spit venom. "You know your presence here is a trigger for me. MITTENS DIED ON THIS ANNIVERSARY."

It was as that moment that Purina remembered why he wanted to enact vengeance on his human.

To Be Continued.

*Warning: Story May Contain Triggers*


End file.
